The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
