**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
