batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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