mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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