Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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