What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
