she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You can't special order awesome
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
