Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
