I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
