so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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