dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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