ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
