Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
