I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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