Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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