Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
