You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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