This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
