My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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