Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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