Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
