the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
