I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Green mimosas i think yes
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
