my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
