I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
