How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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