I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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