normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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