my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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