Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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