Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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