hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
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