I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
