we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
