I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
