Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
