this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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