i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
