You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Can I color on your dick again?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
