I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
