I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
