I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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