Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
And then my night got REAL pukey
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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