there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
