Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
