420 ftw
Jerry, you need to find god
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
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Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
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There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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