Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
