her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I smell like Dick and happiness
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
