Dual....:-)
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
