A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
