I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
