i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
