it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
