Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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