So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
