its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
