When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
