if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize