the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
