its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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