I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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