you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
