and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
