his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
