Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
