Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
