He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
