My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
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He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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