she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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