Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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